Taking the Long Way

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Everyone has adversity. We all handle it differently. Some things seem insurmountable, but eventually we get through it and make it to the other side.

Eventually.

Some things, no matter how badly you want them, no matter how hard you work for them, just don’t happen when you want them to. I’d like to think things happen for a reason. The only reason I can come up with for current events is that Life is teaching me patience.

I just want to start a new life. I want to move out of the house that my future ex-husband, my son and I share.

It doesn’t matter that I filed for divorce over 9 months ago. It doesn’t matter that I quit my teaching job to move to a new state for my husband and his job. It doesn’t matter that my husband can be emotionally and verbally abusive. The hard fact is that there just is not enough money for us to move out until I secure full-time employment.

My lawyer laid that out for me yesterday. It was a hard pill to swallow but not all that surprising.  If I didn’t have a beautiful 6-year-old I could live in a crappy apartment or my car. I could move back to my home state and live with family. None of these are options for me at the moment. Even on a full-time teacher’s salary, I will only be able to rent a decent apartment. Certainly with only a part-time job I could only afford a stinky one room dwelling on campus, if that. Obviously I don’t want my son to live in squalor.

Certainly I filed for divorce because things just became so unbearable, so toxic, that I had to end things. So, imagine adding to that the confession to my husband that, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” Things can be a wee bit tense. I will say; however, that things have been slightly better than I expected. I suspect that my husband’s lawyer has advised him to keep things kosher so he isn’t forced out of the house. And as crappy of a father that he can be, our son loves him. Throughout our relationship I have always been the one to “keep the peace,” and I continue in that role. It’s a tough balancing act, but I refuse to make things more tense for my son.

I’m hard-working and a very good teacher. I have been applying for teaching jobs since last fall. I’ve had interviews but no offers. It’s deeply frustrating. I live in a small college town. I have my Master’s degree and 8 years of full-time teaching experience. Unfortunately, in this economy, that seems to be working against me. There are plenty of fresh-faced college kids that the district can pay much less to than to hire me. I’ve heard from more than one principal to “keep applying,” and that I “will find a job – any school will be lucky” to have me. These seem like empty words when the people telling me this chose to hire someone else.

There are now slightly less than 3 weeks before school starts. I have not given up hope because jobs continue to be posted. However, I haven’t had a call this week for an interview. I am confident in my ability to teach but that doesn’t mean it’s not a bitch to find a job. However, I keep plugging along.

As difficult as this situation is, the human spirit is stronger. I strive to stay positive and grateful for what I do have. I have family that my son and I can go visit to get away. I have friends that are understanding and take my calls at odd hours. My son is healthy. I had the strength to start this process and I have the strength to finish it. Things may not be resolved on my timeline, but eventually it will all fall into place.